Wednesday, 19 June 2013

The Friend Vanishes

There are people in our lives who vanish as soon as they enter a relationship. Not talking about those who spend a considerable amount of time, and even make you a part of their new lifestyle with the new partner, I am talking about those who simply disappear from your life, without a warning.

Everything (for that 1st group) becomes "my boyfriend this, my girlfriend that" and they remember you only when they fight or separate with their partners. It doesn't matter if they've met these people a month or two ago and you've been their close friends for years, they will STILL give priority to this new fling, regardless of the potential or hope for something long term or lack thereof.

I have no problem with the second category, those who invite their partners into their life (that means including their friends) and their friends themselves into the new partner-lifestyle. I enjoy their happiness, I cheer them on, I participate in their joy, and gladly stand by them in times of woe, if that happens. I can connect with their boyfriend or girlfriend and consider them too as friends in the making. Such a pleasure to do so, effortlessly and without second thought.

It's the 1st category of people I have no more tolerance for. The "disappearing" ones. The ones who decide to be your friend ONLY when it suits them, only when their partner is away on business or simply unavailable. The ones who lose themselves in the process of "trying out a new love", and manage to lose their friends while doing so. I can no longer stomach those who prioritize a recent love interest over an old friendship and those who treat me as a shoulder to cry on, but never a shoulder to be happy on. That group of people, those particular energy-vultures are weeded out pretty fast these days, and are no longer a significant part of my life. And that makes me a lot happier and calmer.

Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Rapist is not a natural state - Imgur

Really? A woman provoked you to rape her? 
Was it her clothes? Her make-up? 
Or was it something else? Something entirely different? 
Hmm?

Something entirely different, methinks.
 

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Thursday, 7 March 2013

Hoy Es Adios by Santana and Alejandro Lerner

"Today is Goodbye"
Style: Rock, sad, border-crossing song
Country: Mexico, Argentina

Él se fue con el invierno.
Él se ha ido a trabajar.
No me ha escrito en mucho tiempo;
Él dijo que volverá.


He left with the winter.
He has gone to work.
Hasn't written to me in a long time;
He said he would return.

Pero el tiempo pasó,
No preguntes por qué
Él ya no regresó a nuestro hogar.
La frontera marcó
Su destino final
Y a mis brazos jamás volvío.


But the time passed,
Don't ask why
He won't return to our home now.
The border marked
His final destination
And to my arms he never returned.

CHORUS:
Hoy es adios;
Mañana quizas.
Sé que tú vas a volver.
Hoy es adios,
Mañana quizas.
No hay fronteras en nuestro querer.


Today is goodbye;
Tomorrow, perhaps.
I know that you will return.
Today is goodbye,
Tomorrow, perhaps.
There are no borders in our love.

Ya ha pasado un nuevo invierno
Desde que te ví marchar.
No hay un mundo mejor que el nuestro.
Sé que un día volveras.


A new winter has passed now
Since I saw you leave.
There is no world better than ours.
I know that one day you will return.

Pero el tiempo pasó,
No preguntes por qué
Él ya no regresó a nuestro hogar.
La frontera marcó
Su destino final
Y a mis brazos jamás volvío.


But the time passed,
Don't ask why
He won't return to our home now.
The border marked
His final destination
And to my arms he never returned.

CHORUS:
Hoy es adios;
Mañana quizas.
Sé que tú vas a volver.
Hoy es adios;
Mañana quizas.
No hay fronteras en nuestro querer.


Today is goodbye;;
Tomorrow, perhaps.
I know that you will return.
Today is goodbye;
Tomorrow, perhaps.
There are no borders in our love.

SPOKEN:
Vuelve hijo mio.
Aqui te espero.


Return, my son.
I wait for you here.

CHORUS REPEATS

Translation Notes:

Él ya no regresó a nuestro hogar
He won't return to our home now

ya no regresó - implies certainty in that he didn't return and won't return

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Wassily Kandinsky

When I was 17, Christina told me, my psyche is like a painting by Wassily Kandinsky

I have never forgotten that. She always told me the most beautiful lies.

Alphabet

I just remembered the first time I started learning the letters of the alphabet. They looked like strange & funny little shapes to me. 

It was such fun to draw them over and over again, until at some point I could draw them by heart. 

They didn't really mean anything to me at the time, but still, there was a strange calmness that was overcoming me while I was learning how to draw them on paper using colourful crayons and pencils.

That is such an old and almost forgotten memory...

Weird how our brain works and stores random stuff, only to bring them up again at some equally random point in the future.

Sunday, 3 March 2013

Memories

We all come to this world alone,
and that's how we leave. Alone.
We bring our life into this dimension,
and we leave it, only with our memories.

Monday, 18 February 2013

A Choice

Just a short distance and the kiss could be on the lips instead of the cheek. Just a short distance and yet it felt like miles away, because I was kinda suffering but it was the right thing to do, the right choice to make, the right path to go down, the path of sacrifice? No, but maybe also yes in some way, it's the path least travelled, the one that few people take, because it's always that bitch the "WHAT IF?" question that travels up and down my spine and makes me weak and makes me feeble to resist the power to control my destiny. If there's such a thing. And you ask yourself, why am I travelling this path of this so called righteousness and what's the point of that if it means I just lost my chance, the one chance, MY chance for happiness, and will I never EVER be happy now? Is that even true? Or even possible? Do we only get the ONE chance for happiness? Who knows these things, I don't know who does. But it's not me for sure. I'm not one with all the answers. I barely even have the questions, I simply know that every now and then in the middle of the night when I cross the threshold of sleep. then I know I can somehow feel the answer, whether I am close to it, or drifting further and further away from it, lost in an ocean of doubt, that doesn't even feel like a path any more. Never will you know if it's ever a choice or if it's fate. FATE. DESTINY. What is divine and what is mortal, these become one the minute you stop looking for them and you can finally breathe in the air of assurance. The assurance that you're not alone in the universe, that you too stand a chance to achieve what your heart dreams of, but also that you don't get just the once chance, the assurance that I'll get many chances, many attempts at happiness, and that is what fuels this urgency to travel down the path that is the right and pure and proper and kind and benevolent and I sacrifice myself that moment, for the sake of you finding your own path to joy and love and I hope that this attempt you get is the one that will bring you there. And in that moment you smile and you think, YES it's the right choice because you give me hope, I don't know it but you allow me the choice to make, and you make it your own. The kiss on the cheek is a smile, is soft, it lingers, of course it lingers, even Orpheas couldn't resist the urge to turn back and look, the ancient longing was there, I turn back, even as I walk away, I turn back and I look, I glance at the eyes I wanted to shine my soul into, even as I walk away I feel the power of the choice I am making, and the choice must be true, and the choice must be pure and the choice comes from the heart and the heart always knows the answer and the hearts knows the way and the path and the road and it just flies there. The heart will tease you, it will harm you it will ridicule you, but it knows that the distance I put between myself and the lips I chose not to kiss, are going to be taunting me for eternity. But the heart is proud of me. The heart is happy and rejoices at my choice; not too loud, not too strongly, but present enough to know that it won. My path is leading me where it's supposed to, and yes, maybe that's not this path right now, but the road is long and I WILL make it there and the heart knows this, oh my god yes the heart knows it and in the moment of sacrifice, I know I will make it there and that's not destiny, that's not fate, that is a choice. That is free will. Free Will that will take me over and beyond that mountain, even if it takes ten, a hundred, if it takes a thousand more sacrifices, a thousand more lifetimes of growing inside this pure energy, even after I drop this bag of bones and turn myself inside out and be the energy, that pure energy that is my heart, will be released into forever and will connect with you. And be one with you. And it's an easy choice now. There is NO "what if", it was a trick all along and I fell inside the trap. The path is not a dangerous one, not any more. It's all downhill from here and the view is clearing up and now I remember I have no answers, but for the first time in this form, I have more questions. Endless crystal questions that I will know your answer to the instant my heart electrifies with yours and I will know you and you will know me and we will know together that the old fight is over and that the fight was never a fight, it was a journey, a road, it was a path that once seemed long and twisted but the truth is, I never even moved. I travelled the whole journey, I crossed the 12 boundaries the second I made a choice. That's how to beat the monsters. That's all it takes, a choice. And the choice was to love me. And the choice was to love you. Whoever you are, I choose to love you. I finally get it. There are no monsters, and it's all your fault and it's all my fault and there are no monsters.There is no doubt and there never will be.

I Love you.

Monday, 21 January 2013

Hitting The Wall: Innocent or Offensive Misundestandings, and the Notion of Passive/Aggressive Self-Righteousness

In every conversation (oral but especially written), the person talking/writing is of course responsible for what they say, but the person listening/reading is equally responsible for what they interpret, often even more so as they bring their own emotions and/or biases into the dialogue once (or even before) the "message" has been expressed.

When you have "spoken" you can no longer control what happens to the words that have left your mouth/hand.

Sure, you should take extra care in forming and expressing those words in an earnest attempt to prevent any potential misunderstanding, and you should try hard to acknowledge your own preconceptions and biases that could hurt or offend others, but those efforts can only go so far. If the other person wants/expects to understand a certain "something", they will always find a way to hear/read "it", regardless of your most earnest intentions.

You can simply utter a single word "Yes" or "no" or "hi" or "good-night", and people who have certain opinions or expectations from you may instead choose to hear/read "fuck you", "I hate you", instead of the more rationally intended message. If such simple words can be so easily misconstrued against your intentions, imagine what harm may be done in more complicated exchanges that require higher levels of intellectual analysis and emotional interpretation. If you then factor in any/all added cultural, gender, age, social (etc.) differences, the ensuing mayhem could prove to be mind-boggling.

Once again, you may well be in the wrong as it may have been a poor (or hasty) choice of words (or lack thereof), a stressful moment or simply a bad mood on your part that has caused the original tension. If that happens, you must be quick to address it and try to rectify it with a sincere apology and a further explanation of your intended message. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect after all, but a bad decision or an unfortunate moment doesn't automatically turn someone into a "villain".

However, those who choose to be offended or hurt by your words even AFTER your apology or explanations have been repeatedly offered, they can still choose to do so despite your previous clean track record and your proven well-intended nature. They may or may not realise they are doing it, but once that twisted interpretation has occurred, insisting on your efforts to clear the air will most probably be fruitless, as the other person has already made up their mind about what it is you meant/insinuated, despite all objective and rational evidence to the contrary. As a result, more often than not they will try to escalate things and make a mountain out of a molehill.

I still don't understand why this occurs. Yes, it's true that all people like to be right, and it may be difficult to take the time and TRULY analyse your thoughts and actions and/or try and rectify the situation but it IS possible, and any loss of dignity is small a price to pay in order to preserve an amorous relationship, a professional collaboration or a friendship at stake. If anything, there is MORE dignity in admitting you're wrong and apologising than stubbornly sticking to your "guns" against all rationality and objectivity, in my humble opinion.

Yet, some people never admit it when they're wrong and are too scared to concede and apologise once they take the wrong turn, almost as if their life depended on preserving their self-righteousness. What usually follows is a warped, passive/aggressive behaviour that informs their every contact with you, transforming every casual exchange into a sickening "battle" that knows no limits and often finds no end.

When that happens and after you have already tried your very best to make the other party understand you're not really an elephant, you may find yourself constantly hitting your head against a wall made out of their stubborn determination to refuse your appeasing explanations.

This is when it is often smart to withdraw and move on

There are more constructive things you can do with your head than expecting to break down a wall. Walls don't usually come down despite all the head-butting in the world.

Don't worry so much about this withdrawal, you will always find other people more conducive to a loving relationship, to some complementing flirtation, to a professional collaboration, to a humorous exchange,  or to some simple friendly bunter than a wall ever will be.

Not to mention all the headache you will be spared.

Friday, 14 December 2012

Tori Amos & Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over Live

a song is a song is a song is a song

and a love is a love is a love is a love



- Goodnight City of Angels -