One of the greatest steps in my evolutionary progress (& process) has been the realization that I am indeed NOT the centre of the universe (yeah, I know... Imagine that!).
This has reminded me many a time to check myself. In fact, I check
myself almost every time I get the urge to speak highly of my person,
self-congratulate my achievements, re-confirm my earlier predictions of
the future as a wise post-event sooth-Sayer, or generally attempt to
position myself in the centre of attention, even when the issue at hand
was NEVER about me in the first place. Alas! The checking comes almost
always AFTER the fact.
Now, I DO understand that human beings have an urgent & permanent
survival tendency to do EXACTLY that, and it IS a constant struggle
(much like my daily war against JUDGEMENT) so I try not to beat myself
down for forgetting to check myself BEFORE I sound like a complete
Which basically means I often fail to resist that same urge (despite
my multiple esoteric-alarm warnings), and I sadly succumb to the vanity
fault of blowing my own trumpet. Or I simply tend to believe I am always
right (which I am, but that is neither here, nor there).
These silent (or occasionally loud) delusions of grandeur are
thankfully tempered with the help of an acute after-sense of how
ridiculous I sound/become, and so all my subsequent conscious attempts
at self-deprecating humour, utter silliness & self-sarcasm
(completely making fun of myself AND being able to take it from others),
is my only redeeming quality. I can only hope my “Douche:Silly” ratio
can dramatically change over time in favour of silliness and not the
opposite. One can dream, non?
Having said that, I find it highly amusing whenever I see people
around me being utterly oblivious to the same thing happening to them,
and I’m often surprised at the extent of their self-gloating that tends
to increase over time, rather than the opposite. Can people BE more
blissfully ignorant? *said in my best Chandler Bing accent*
These people, having once started describing how magnificent they
are, will NEVER stop offering more and more details about their
supernatural perfection or their magical ability to predict, persevere,
overcome and “win” against all odds & IN THE FACE of the entire
universe (dead set against them, naturally). Doesn't matter if you have
asked them about it or not. They will often volunteer
example-after-example of their “battles” against mediocrity or other
humans’ stupidity, which are only in fact mere ideological battles on
principle, against anyone else who even tries to have an opinion
opposite to their own. How DARE we not realize they are the keepers of
They are the same people who –being filled themselves with endless
negative energy towards everyone else - refuse to register their own
volatility & hostility in judging everyone else, and indeed carry on
congratulating themselves for being so fucking awesome, and manage to
sound patronizing even while merely breathing. Quite a feat, I must say.
The only time they barely start moderating their self-proclaimed
divinity is when my eyes begin to glaze over and silence starts to creep
into my voice. What’s the point of being amazing, if your audience
exits the show, right?
I TRY not to judge, and certainly never attempt to enlighten them.
It’s pointless and hopeless. Let it be, I say. Let THEM be. And may
everyone else let ME be too. We are all on our own path and we all have
our own demons to fight.
I’m certainly not perfect myself (as this text hopefully
demonstrates..), so I claim no ability or compulsion to change anyone
else when I repeatedly fail at improving myself. I am not here to live
up to anyone else’s standards or expectations and I remind myself
constantly that no-one else is here on this earth to live up to mine.
Thank God for that.
That is, assuming I can thank Myself without running the risk of sounding Self-congratulatory.