We all come to this world alone,
and that's how we leave. Alone.
We bring our life into this dimension,
and we leave it, only with our memories.
Sunday, 3 March 2013
Monday, 18 February 2013
A Choice
Just a short distance and the kiss could be on the lips instead of the cheek. Just a short distance and yet it felt like miles away, because I was kinda suffering but it was the right thing to do, the right choice to make, the right path to go down, the path of sacrifice? No, but maybe also yes in some way, it's the path least travelled, the one that few people take, because it's always that bitch the "WHAT IF?" question that travels up and down my spine and makes me weak and makes me feeble to resist the power to control my destiny. If there's such a thing. And you ask yourself, why am I travelling this path of this so called righteousness and what's the point of that if it means I just lost my chance, the one chance, MY chance for happiness, and will I never EVER be happy now? Is that even true? Or even possible? Do we only get the ONE chance for happiness? Who knows these things, I don't know who does. But it's not me for sure. I'm not one with all the answers. I barely even have the questions, I simply know that every now and then in the middle of the night when I cross the threshold of sleep. then I know I can somehow feel the answer, whether I am close to it, or drifting further and further away from it, lost in an ocean of doubt, that doesn't even feel like a path any more. Never will you know if it's ever a choice or if it's fate. FATE. DESTINY. What is divine and what is mortal, these become one the minute you stop looking for them and you can finally breathe in the air of assurance. The assurance that you're not alone in the universe, that you too stand a chance to achieve what your heart dreams of, but also that you don't get just the once chance, the assurance that I'll get many chances, many attempts at happiness, and that is what fuels this urgency to travel down the path that is the right and pure and proper and kind and benevolent and I sacrifice myself that moment, for the sake of you finding your own path to joy and love and I hope that this attempt you get is the one that will bring you there. And in that moment you smile and you think, YES it's the right choice because you give me hope, I don't know it but you allow me the choice to make, and you make it your own. The kiss on the cheek is a smile, is soft, it lingers, of course it lingers, even Orpheas couldn't resist the urge to turn back and look, the ancient longing was there, I turn back, even as I walk away, I turn back and I look, I glance at the eyes I wanted to shine my soul into, even as I walk away I feel the power of the choice I am making, and the choice must be true, and the choice must be pure and the choice comes from the heart and the heart always knows the answer and the hearts knows the way and the path and the road and it just flies there. The heart will tease you, it will harm you it will ridicule you, but it knows that the distance I put between myself and the lips I chose not to kiss, are going to be taunting me for eternity. But the heart is proud of me. The heart is happy and rejoices at my choice; not too loud, not too strongly, but present enough to know that it won. My path is leading me where it's supposed to, and yes, maybe that's not this path right now, but the road is long and I WILL make it there and the heart knows this, oh my god yes the heart knows it and in the moment of sacrifice, I know I will make it there and that's not destiny, that's not fate, that is a choice. That is free will. Free Will that will take me over and beyond that mountain, even if it takes ten, a hundred, if it takes a thousand more sacrifices, a thousand more lifetimes of growing inside this pure energy, even after I drop this bag of bones and turn myself inside out and be the energy, that pure energy that is my heart, will be released into forever and will connect with you. And be one with you. And it's an easy choice now. There is NO "what if", it was a trick all along and I fell inside the trap. The path is not a dangerous one, not any more. It's all downhill from here and the view is clearing up and now I remember I have no answers, but for the first time in this form, I have more questions. Endless crystal questions that I will know your answer to the instant my heart electrifies with yours and I will know you and you will know me and we will know together that the old fight is over and that the fight was never a fight, it was a journey, a road, it was a path that once seemed long and twisted but the truth is, I never even moved. I travelled the whole journey, I crossed the 12 boundaries the second I made a choice. That's how to beat the monsters. That's all it takes, a choice. And the choice was to love me. And the choice was to love you. Whoever you are, I choose to love you. I finally get it. There are no monsters, and it's all your fault and it's all my fault and there are no monsters.There is no doubt and there never will be.
I Love you.
I Love you.
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Monday, 21 January 2013
Hitting The Wall: Innocent or Offensive Misundestandings, and the Notion of Passive/Aggressive Self-Righteousness
In every conversation (oral but especially written), the person
talking/writing is of course responsible for what they say, but the
person listening/reading is equally responsible for what they interpret,
often even more so as they bring their own emotions and/or biases into
the dialogue once (or even before) the "message" has been expressed.
When you have "spoken" you can no longer control what happens to the words that have left your mouth/hand.
Sure, you should take extra care in forming and expressing those words in an earnest attempt to prevent any potential misunderstanding, and you should try hard to acknowledge your own preconceptions and biases that could hurt or offend others, but those efforts can only go so far. If the other person wants/expects to understand a certain "something", they will always find a way to hear/read "it", regardless of your most earnest intentions.
You can simply utter a single word "Yes" or "no" or "hi" or "good-night", and people who have certain opinions or expectations from you may instead choose to hear/read "fuck you", "I hate you", instead of the more rationally intended message. If such simple words can be so easily misconstrued against your intentions, imagine what harm may be done in more complicated exchanges that require higher levels of intellectual analysis and emotional interpretation. If you then factor in any/all added cultural, gender, age, social (etc.) differences, the ensuing mayhem could prove to be mind-boggling.
Once again, you may well be in the wrong as it may have been a poor (or hasty) choice of words (or lack thereof), a stressful moment or simply a bad mood on your part that has caused the original tension. If that happens, you must be quick to address it and try to rectify it with a sincere apology and a further explanation of your intended message. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect after all, but a bad decision or an unfortunate moment doesn't automatically turn someone into a "villain".
However, those who choose to be offended or hurt by your words even AFTER your apology or explanations have been repeatedly offered, they can still choose to do so despite your previous clean track record and your proven well-intended nature. They may or may not realise they are doing it, but once that twisted interpretation has occurred, insisting on your efforts to clear the air will most probably be fruitless, as the other person has already made up their mind about what it is you meant/insinuated, despite all objective and rational evidence to the contrary. As a result, more often than not they will try to escalate things and make a mountain out of a molehill.
I still don't understand why this occurs. Yes, it's true that all people like to be right, and it may be difficult to take the time and TRULY analyse your thoughts and actions and/or try and rectify the situation but it IS possible, and any loss of dignity is small a price to pay in order to preserve an amorous relationship, a professional collaboration or a friendship at stake. If anything, there is MORE dignity in admitting you're wrong and apologising than stubbornly sticking to your "guns" against all rationality and objectivity, in my humble opinion.
Yet, some people never admit it when they're wrong and are too scared to concede and apologise once they take the wrong turn, almost as if their life depended on preserving their self-righteousness. What usually follows is a warped, passive/aggressive behaviour that informs their every contact with you, transforming every casual exchange into a sickening "battle" that knows no limits and often finds no end.
When that happens and after you have already tried your very best to make the other party understand you're not really an elephant, you may find yourself constantly hitting your head against a wall made out of their stubborn determination to refuse your appeasing explanations.
This is when it is often smart to withdraw and move on
There are more constructive things you can do with your head than expecting to break down a wall. Walls don't usually come down despite all the head-butting in the world.
Don't worry so much about this withdrawal, you will always find other people more conducive to a loving relationship, to some complementing flirtation, to a professional collaboration, to a humorous exchange, or to some simple friendly bunter than a wall ever will be.
Not to mention all the headache you will be spared.
When you have "spoken" you can no longer control what happens to the words that have left your mouth/hand.
Sure, you should take extra care in forming and expressing those words in an earnest attempt to prevent any potential misunderstanding, and you should try hard to acknowledge your own preconceptions and biases that could hurt or offend others, but those efforts can only go so far. If the other person wants/expects to understand a certain "something", they will always find a way to hear/read "it", regardless of your most earnest intentions.
You can simply utter a single word "Yes" or "no" or "hi" or "good-night", and people who have certain opinions or expectations from you may instead choose to hear/read "fuck you", "I hate you", instead of the more rationally intended message. If such simple words can be so easily misconstrued against your intentions, imagine what harm may be done in more complicated exchanges that require higher levels of intellectual analysis and emotional interpretation. If you then factor in any/all added cultural, gender, age, social (etc.) differences, the ensuing mayhem could prove to be mind-boggling.
Once again, you may well be in the wrong as it may have been a poor (or hasty) choice of words (or lack thereof), a stressful moment or simply a bad mood on your part that has caused the original tension. If that happens, you must be quick to address it and try to rectify it with a sincere apology and a further explanation of your intended message. We are all humans and we all make mistakes. Nobody's perfect after all, but a bad decision or an unfortunate moment doesn't automatically turn someone into a "villain".
However, those who choose to be offended or hurt by your words even AFTER your apology or explanations have been repeatedly offered, they can still choose to do so despite your previous clean track record and your proven well-intended nature. They may or may not realise they are doing it, but once that twisted interpretation has occurred, insisting on your efforts to clear the air will most probably be fruitless, as the other person has already made up their mind about what it is you meant/insinuated, despite all objective and rational evidence to the contrary. As a result, more often than not they will try to escalate things and make a mountain out of a molehill.
I still don't understand why this occurs. Yes, it's true that all people like to be right, and it may be difficult to take the time and TRULY analyse your thoughts and actions and/or try and rectify the situation but it IS possible, and any loss of dignity is small a price to pay in order to preserve an amorous relationship, a professional collaboration or a friendship at stake. If anything, there is MORE dignity in admitting you're wrong and apologising than stubbornly sticking to your "guns" against all rationality and objectivity, in my humble opinion.
Yet, some people never admit it when they're wrong and are too scared to concede and apologise once they take the wrong turn, almost as if their life depended on preserving their self-righteousness. What usually follows is a warped, passive/aggressive behaviour that informs their every contact with you, transforming every casual exchange into a sickening "battle" that knows no limits and often finds no end.
When that happens and after you have already tried your very best to make the other party understand you're not really an elephant, you may find yourself constantly hitting your head against a wall made out of their stubborn determination to refuse your appeasing explanations.
This is when it is often smart to withdraw and move on
There are more constructive things you can do with your head than expecting to break down a wall. Walls don't usually come down despite all the head-butting in the world.
Don't worry so much about this withdrawal, you will always find other people more conducive to a loving relationship, to some complementing flirtation, to a professional collaboration, to a humorous exchange, or to some simple friendly bunter than a wall ever will be.
Not to mention all the headache you will be spared.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Tori Amos & Crowded House - Don't Dream It's Over Live
a song is a song is a song is a song
and a love is a love is a love is a love
- Goodnight City of Angels -
and a love is a love is a love is a love
- Goodnight City of Angels -
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
10 (+ 1) Observations About The Human Race During My 36 Years On This Planet
1. People are capable of the best, as well as the worst. That's their blessing, as well as their tragedy (not curse).
2. People don't usually set out to do their worst. More often than not their worst is the result of misunderstanding, poor planning, fear, pain, desperation or simply good intentions gone wrong.
3. People will choose to do good rather than evil, most of the time. Exceptions include socio-paths, psycho-paths and other serious mental disorders.
4. People are essentially good and kind. All people. Even when they're wrong or being hurtful. They just need to be reminded of their true nature.
5. People, when brought face to face with the consequences of their words or actions and they realise that they have been hurtful to someone, they will almost certainly be shocked and will try to make amends, if given a chance.
6. People will pleasantly surprise you, if you wait for them long enough. Eventually all walls come crumbling down, all frozen hearts melt.
7. People have the right to change their heart, if they want to. There is no such thing as a "wrong emotion", if one feels it in their heart. The thing that affects all living things is people's choices about how to react to their emotions.
8. People have a lot of shit going on in their life too, they don't actively try to fuck up other people's lives. Most of the time when that happens it's coincidental, accidental or due to a lack of empathy. Though empathy is usually a gift that some people naturally have, it can also be taught.
9. People who find it difficult to empathize with other people, may learn to do so through compassion. Compassion always leads to Love. Love leads to anything and everything good. Which is why people will always be capable of the very best. Only when people fail to follow these steps does their worst become possible. Fortunately, the worst is usually reversible and in time, healed by implementing the very best.
10. People's thoughts are immensely powerful, almost as powerful as Love. A single, tiny thought, may ripple throughout mankind's collective consciousness (if expressed and if allowed to do so), causing waves of goodness that reach the ends of the planet and the edges of other people's hearts. But most importantly, a single person's thoughts may affect just one other person on the planet. And if one of us is capable of that, our collective potential is limitless. So is our responsibility.That's because we are all connected to everything and everyone else.
+1. People like making lists and people like reading them. Usually.
2. People don't usually set out to do their worst. More often than not their worst is the result of misunderstanding, poor planning, fear, pain, desperation or simply good intentions gone wrong.
3. People will choose to do good rather than evil, most of the time. Exceptions include socio-paths, psycho-paths and other serious mental disorders.
4. People are essentially good and kind. All people. Even when they're wrong or being hurtful. They just need to be reminded of their true nature.
5. People, when brought face to face with the consequences of their words or actions and they realise that they have been hurtful to someone, they will almost certainly be shocked and will try to make amends, if given a chance.
6. People will pleasantly surprise you, if you wait for them long enough. Eventually all walls come crumbling down, all frozen hearts melt.
7. People have the right to change their heart, if they want to. There is no such thing as a "wrong emotion", if one feels it in their heart. The thing that affects all living things is people's choices about how to react to their emotions.
8. People have a lot of shit going on in their life too, they don't actively try to fuck up other people's lives. Most of the time when that happens it's coincidental, accidental or due to a lack of empathy. Though empathy is usually a gift that some people naturally have, it can also be taught.
9. People who find it difficult to empathize with other people, may learn to do so through compassion. Compassion always leads to Love. Love leads to anything and everything good. Which is why people will always be capable of the very best. Only when people fail to follow these steps does their worst become possible. Fortunately, the worst is usually reversible and in time, healed by implementing the very best.
10. People's thoughts are immensely powerful, almost as powerful as Love. A single, tiny thought, may ripple throughout mankind's collective consciousness (if expressed and if allowed to do so), causing waves of goodness that reach the ends of the planet and the edges of other people's hearts. But most importantly, a single person's thoughts may affect just one other person on the planet. And if one of us is capable of that, our collective potential is limitless. So is our responsibility.That's because we are all connected to everything and everyone else.
+1. People like making lists and people like reading them. Usually.
Monday, 5 November 2012
Keep The Fuck Away From Me
It doesn't matter to me how super-talented you are,
how much of a visionary or a leader
or what a creative person you are
or a man/woman of many abilities
or how generally respectable your work is.
If you find it difficult to effortlessly relate to people;
if you never apologise for your own mistakes and never try your best to mend your behaviour accordingly;
if you have a double standard with regards to your sense of humour when it involves others (i.e. you can give it freely, always expecting people to readily accept and/or appreciate it, yet you are rarely able to take it from them without instantly getting offended);
if you consider yourself perfect and all-knowing at all times & with no exceptions and your self-righteousness permeates your entire existence;
if you consider any alternative opinion expressed in your presence to be a personal attack or a hostile/judgemental/racist/sexist act, when it truly is well intended and not imposed on you;
if you have a chip on your shoulder bigger than your entire self, so much so that you have have become trigger-happy with you aggressive reactions and your constant affinity to conflict and/or drama;
if you fail to forgive others for their own mistakes and often resist the urge to understand the reasons behind their trespasses to you, but instead you usually (and quickly) resort to sulking, holding grudges and bad-mouthing people behind their back (or even in front of them);
if you are an "energy vulture", seeking constant attention through attracting or becoming the essence of misery & drama, so that you can suck the positivity out of those around you (hoping to absorb their happiness), only to make yourself feel less worse (cause you never actually succeed in feeling better despite how you damage others in the process);
if you are fake and have countless personalities to suit (and serve) your current interests or schemes, without ever revealing your true self to others, because you consider it to be a sign of weakness or because you're simply THAT ruthless in your path towards money, glory and/or power;
if despite all of the above, one STILL tries to reach out to you repeatedly and goes out of one's way to offer friendship and understanding, only to find that you resist heavily, and you ignore such attempts time after time;
then I have ZERO INTEREST in being your friend, working with you or even associating with you on a casual level. It's probably best if we both go our own separate ways and keep our energies far apart.
I have ZERO INTEREST in your judgement or participating in your delusions of grandeur.
Please, keep to your own path and I will make sure I keep to mine. Resist the urge to pick on me or change me to fit your expectations, and I promise in return I will save you from my irritating presence.
Life on this realm is too short, and I would rather spend it all with beings of love, respect, compassion & simplicity.
Thank you.
how much of a visionary or a leader
or what a creative person you are
or a man/woman of many abilities
or how generally respectable your work is.
If you find it difficult to effortlessly relate to people;
if you never apologise for your own mistakes and never try your best to mend your behaviour accordingly;
if you have a double standard with regards to your sense of humour when it involves others (i.e. you can give it freely, always expecting people to readily accept and/or appreciate it, yet you are rarely able to take it from them without instantly getting offended);
if you consider yourself perfect and all-knowing at all times & with no exceptions and your self-righteousness permeates your entire existence;
if you consider any alternative opinion expressed in your presence to be a personal attack or a hostile/judgemental/racist/sexist act, when it truly is well intended and not imposed on you;
if you have a chip on your shoulder bigger than your entire self, so much so that you have have become trigger-happy with you aggressive reactions and your constant affinity to conflict and/or drama;
if you fail to forgive others for their own mistakes and often resist the urge to understand the reasons behind their trespasses to you, but instead you usually (and quickly) resort to sulking, holding grudges and bad-mouthing people behind their back (or even in front of them);
if you are an "energy vulture", seeking constant attention through attracting or becoming the essence of misery & drama, so that you can suck the positivity out of those around you (hoping to absorb their happiness), only to make yourself feel less worse (cause you never actually succeed in feeling better despite how you damage others in the process);
if you are fake and have countless personalities to suit (and serve) your current interests or schemes, without ever revealing your true self to others, because you consider it to be a sign of weakness or because you're simply THAT ruthless in your path towards money, glory and/or power;
if despite all of the above, one STILL tries to reach out to you repeatedly and goes out of one's way to offer friendship and understanding, only to find that you resist heavily, and you ignore such attempts time after time;
then I have ZERO INTEREST in being your friend, working with you or even associating with you on a casual level. It's probably best if we both go our own separate ways and keep our energies far apart.
I have ZERO INTEREST in your judgement or participating in your delusions of grandeur.
Please, keep to your own path and I will make sure I keep to mine. Resist the urge to pick on me or change me to fit your expectations, and I promise in return I will save you from my irritating presence.
Life on this realm is too short, and I would rather spend it all with beings of love, respect, compassion & simplicity.
Thank you.
Friday, 2 November 2012
Black Spark Music
The post title says it all really.
JT and The Clouds - "Nobody Wants To Be Alone Nobody Wants To Die"
http://www.myspace.com/jtandtheclouds/music/songs/nobody-wants-to-be-alone-nobody-wants-to-die-71704758
JT and The Clouds - "Nobody Wants To Be Alone Nobody Wants To Die"
http://www.myspace.com/jtandtheclouds/music/songs/nobody-wants-to-be-alone-nobody-wants-to-die-71704758
Wednesday, 31 October 2012
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
30 Years Ago
30 years ago I saw a movie for the first time in my life. I was 6 years old at the time when my parents chose to introduce me to this medium, and the experience of cinema magic changed my life forever.
It was the year 1982.
I have loved movies ever since BECAUSE of that film, and it probably was the reason I chose to become a filmmaker, if I am honest with myself.
That film remains my most favourite movie of all time, still to this day. I wholeheartedly believe it's a lesson in visual and narrative storytelling. Each time I watch it I marvel at its passion, its emotional impact and simplicity of form that all deeply affect me, like I'm watching it for the first time.
Tonight, 30 years later, I got to see it on the big cinema screen again for the second time, on its celebratory 1-day re-release in honour of its transition to BluRay.
Tonight, again, I got all of the goosebumps and the smiles and the giggles and the tears I got the first time I saw it, back when I was 6.
You gotta love that.
I have waited 30 years for this moment, so if that's not true love, I don't know what is.
Welcome back, E.T., though for me you have always been
...right here...
It was the year 1982.
I have loved movies ever since BECAUSE of that film, and it probably was the reason I chose to become a filmmaker, if I am honest with myself.
That film remains my most favourite movie of all time, still to this day. I wholeheartedly believe it's a lesson in visual and narrative storytelling. Each time I watch it I marvel at its passion, its emotional impact and simplicity of form that all deeply affect me, like I'm watching it for the first time.
Tonight, 30 years later, I got to see it on the big cinema screen again for the second time, on its celebratory 1-day re-release in honour of its transition to BluRay.
Tonight, again, I got all of the goosebumps and the smiles and the giggles and the tears I got the first time I saw it, back when I was 6.
You gotta love that.
I have waited 30 years for this moment, so if that's not true love, I don't know what is.
Welcome back, E.T., though for me you have always been
...right here...
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Now
Those who have never taken a risk in their life,
those who have never travelled,
those afraid to try new things,
to put themselves out there,
the ones who hesitate
and the ones who turn away from "danger",
are the ones who see their life slip through their own fingers.
I cannot change the past, and regretting it is pointless.
The future is unknown and trying to predict it is insane.
People usually live in the past, or try to live in the future.
That's crazy.
I live neither in the past nor the future.
The choices I make
right here
right now
affect my life for the next hour
the next day, the following week
if that.
Now.
That's the only thing I can control.
Now is all that I have, all that I hope to see.
Now is when my life is happening, not tomorrow, or yesterday.
Now I am alive and I don't know how long I have left.
Could be an hour, a day or a week.
Now
is a choice and a decision and an action and a path.
Now
is all we have.
We are NON-LINEAR beings.
Time is not a circle for this shape and form.
That's to come. That's to follow.
In this shape and form, we are something else entirely.
We are instantaneous beings.
We exist in the
NOW.
those who have never travelled,
those afraid to try new things,
to put themselves out there,
the ones who hesitate
and the ones who turn away from "danger",
are the ones who see their life slip through their own fingers.
I cannot change the past, and regretting it is pointless.
The future is unknown and trying to predict it is insane.
People usually live in the past, or try to live in the future.
That's crazy.
I live neither in the past nor the future.
The choices I make
right here
right now
affect my life for the next hour
the next day, the following week
if that.
Now.
That's the only thing I can control.
Now is all that I have, all that I hope to see.
Now is when my life is happening, not tomorrow, or yesterday.
Now I am alive and I don't know how long I have left.
Could be an hour, a day or a week.
Now
is a choice and a decision and an action and a path.
Now
is all we have.
We are NON-LINEAR beings.
Time is not a circle for this shape and form.
That's to come. That's to follow.
In this shape and form, we are something else entirely.
We are instantaneous beings.
We exist in the
NOW.
Monday, 13 August 2012
But Here's My Number...
...so call me, maybe...?
The Good:
The Bad:
The Ugly:
...and the Presidential:
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