What do you do when you feel you've been struck down by lightning, yet the lightning itself has no other apparent interest in you other than an ability to scorch you down by it's sheer power and let you know it really enjoys your presence?
It's a strange compliment to know that lightning likes to be around you, and who isn't charmed by such divine interest to their person? I know I am. Charmed my pants off, so to speak.
But much like the tale of the frog and the scorpion who crossed the river, lightning is beautiful, charming, appealing, hell it can transform a person's whole life-perspective with its inner world of magic. Yet is still does, and always will hold the power to scorch you down to mere ashes, if you forget your place and you dare to underestimate its "electric touch". It's in its nature. It can't help but be what it is, to fulfill its purpose in life. Gorgeous but dangerous. Life changing yet deadly.
If you choose to merely watch it from a far away spot, then you can't help but fall for it's random shining bolts, the magical shapes it scars on the heavens and on your heart. You can't easily fight those emotions of powerless attraction to its glow, much like the moth is charmed by a flame.
I am drawn to this lightning exactly like the proverbial moth. And much like the moth, I am in an equally clear and present dangerous dilemma. If I keep my distance, I am bound to eventually demystify this ancient power, and that I am certain of. In fact if I go down that road, I feel secure in knowing I will never come back to it and I will be safe from harm, ready to move on with my life (until next time).
However, this is something I am not prepared to do just yet. It's been a while since I came near such lightning, and this particular one, is like no other I've ever discovered in my life. There are a million reasons why I say that (which are neither here, nor there). It feels nearly impossible to be able to choose to go down this path right now. I can't ignore the powers of my subconscious and/or my heart's desires. I learned that lesson long ago, so I know when my mind should shut the fuck up.
If on the other hand I choose to approach this creature of mystery and let myself "play" near the lightning's fire, I stand liable to lose much more than a temporary ability to see due to its intense light. I may well lose everything I hold dear to me in the process. My balance, my peace of mind, my fragile wall of sand that I call my emotions. Everything.
People say you shouldn't expect to gain anything ever in life if you are not prepared to lose everything in the process. That is oh so true. I learned that lesson too, the hard way.
That however is a fucking hard thing to do, when your body is already covered with burns that similar fatal attractions like this one have already left on your skin so many times before.
Play with fire or stay in the cold? No-one can really help me with this choice.
I just wonder what the lightning would say if it could actually see all those scars...
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