Exposed & Imprisoned

Well it started in a dream over 3 months ago and I went through phases of vulnerability & tenderness that have been haunting my life for the first time in what feels like years.

But I wasn't sure, since it was only a gut feeling and not based on anything real. I couldn't be certain it was more than a childish enthusiasm, and it would be silly of me (at least) to make anything of it. Sure I was interested, intrigued even, but that's natural.

After a storm of recent dreams relevant to that beautiful face, I had finally come to realise I was hoping for some sort of release. I was longing to be set free again, as insecurity stroke one too many times. I put my money on getting free and moving on with my life, after I would finally get to experience that sweet aura first hand and decide it was only a distant crush.

Could I BE more wrong? I don't think so.

Instead of getting released from that strange (mystical even) grip, I was surprised almost beyond belief. I was thrown back. I was shaken and stirred. I became a prisoner of a pair of eyes, while an all-powerful smile thwarted my plans for a quick escape. That presence dominated my air and even my sense of smell began to misbehave.

How can it be? I spent AGES building a protecting shell around myself, making sure I would not be caught in an emotional web again. All my resources were put to work, guarding me from my quirky mischievous heart. My mind was my greatest ally as I barricaded myself behind walls of caution and experience. And all that came to nothing.

My walls came crashing down like a paper tower. All my defences were scattered away like autumn leaves in the winter breeze. GOD even my words have reached new levels of corniness!

lol!

So all I am left with now is a newly found hunger for more. More looks, more words, more sounds and smells. More air time with you, in an attempt to get to finally get to know you. I am wishing I could show you the potential for elation I hold within me, but I know that is neither here nor there. Don't get me wrong, I am still cautious and kinda scared. Perhaps now I'm more scared than ever, since the realisation of reality, has taken me outside my protecting bubble of imaginary safety.

And I've become exposed and fragile. I long for and fear you at the same time. Even the silences in between our sentences were filled with tenderness and familiarity, as if a strange comforting blanket was protecting me, protecting both of us from the cold world outside.

But now, that all familiar energy is fuelling my existence. I know I will fly and fall. Maybe not even in that order. But falling, I am. It's started happening already. And so too has the flying part. It all started with a kiss in that twirling dream, and it has OFFICIALLY been sealed true with two more short kisses on the cheek as you said goodnight.

So now I can't help but wonder; Will you come on this journey with me? Or will you hesitate?

And so it begins.