This has reminded me many a time to check myself. In fact, I check myself almost every time I get the urge to speak highly of my person, self-congratulate my achievements, re-confirm my earlier predictions of the future as a wise post-event sooth-Sayer, or generally attempt to position myself in the centre of attention, even when the issue at hand was NEVER about me in the first place. Alas! The checking comes almost always AFTER the fact.
Now, I DO understand that human beings have an urgent & permanent survival tendency to do EXACTLY that, and it IS a constant struggle (much like my daily war against JUDGEMENT) so I try not to beat myself down for forgetting to check myself BEFORE I sound like a complete douche-bag.
Which basically means I often fail to resist that same urge (despite my multiple esoteric-alarm warnings), and I sadly succumb to the vanity fault of blowing my own trumpet. Or I simply tend to believe I am always right (which I am, but that is neither here, nor there).
These silent (or occasionally loud) delusions of grandeur are thankfully tempered with the help of an acute after-sense of how ridiculous I sound/become, and so all my subsequent conscious attempts at self-deprecating humour, utter silliness & self-sarcasm (completely making fun of myself AND being able to take it from others), is my only redeeming quality. I can only hope my “Douche:Silly” ratio can dramatically change over time in favour of silliness and not the opposite. One can dream, non?
Having said that, I find it highly amusing whenever I see people around me being utterly oblivious to the same thing happening to them, and I’m often surprised at the extent of their self-gloating that tends to increase over time, rather than the opposite. Can people BE more blissfully ignorant? *said in my best Chandler Bing accent*
These people, having once started describing how magnificent they are, will NEVER stop offering more and more details about their supernatural perfection or their magical ability to predict, persevere, overcome and “win” against all odds & IN THE FACE of the entire universe (dead set against them, naturally). Doesn't matter if you have asked them about it or not. They will often volunteer example-after-example of their “battles” against mediocrity or other humans’ stupidity, which are only in fact mere ideological battles on principle, against anyone else who even tries to have an opinion opposite to their own. How DARE we not realize they are the keepers of universal wisdom?!
They are the same people who –being filled themselves with endless negative energy towards everyone else - refuse to register their own volatility & hostility in judging everyone else, and indeed carry on congratulating themselves for being so fucking awesome, and manage to sound patronizing even while merely breathing. Quite a feat, I must say.
The only time they barely start moderating their self-proclaimed divinity is when my eyes begin to glaze over and silence starts to creep into my voice. What’s the point of being amazing, if your audience exits the show, right?
I TRY not to judge, and certainly never attempt to enlighten them. It’s pointless and hopeless. Let it be, I say. Let THEM be. And may everyone else let ME be too. We are all on our own path and we all have our own demons to fight.
I’m certainly not perfect myself (as this text hopefully demonstrates..), so I claim no ability or compulsion to change anyone else when I repeatedly fail at improving myself. I am not here to live up to anyone else’s standards or expectations and I remind myself constantly that no-one else is here on this earth to live up to mine.
Thank God for that.
That is, assuming I can thank Myself without running the risk of sounding Self-congratulatory.
Ahem.
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