I wonder where you might be. How your laughter sounds. If you cry often. I'm asking the universe if you've been hurt, how many times you've loved and been loved back. Maybe not even at the same time. I'm unsure about your smell, the colour of your eyes, your skin or your hair. The shape of your body or the shape of your eyes. Your toes might tickle if I breathe on them and your spine will surely do, when I kiss your neck. What is your name? How many letters? What does it sound like? Is it even one? Or do you have several? I will have my own little name for you. And will probably never tell you. Nah, that's a lie. I could never lie to you. You will never lie to me. My soul will be an open book for you to sign on, any time you like. I am sure you will use it to doodle and write silly poetry in there. Lame verses that amaze me with how innocent you are. Where do you live? Is it day or night right now for you? Can you see the stars? I bet you just shivered, even if it's the beginning of the summer, or the end of it. It's because I just shivered too. How tall are you? Please don't be much taller or much shorter than I am, or it will be difficult to kiss you ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Not that it will make any difference of course. I laugh at such obstacles. No dimension would keep me away from your breath on my tongue. How old are you? Where you born before I was? Maybe even at the same time? Or after me? How long after or before? Could we possibly be soul-twins? I know I haven't seen you consciously yet. If I had, my life would be so much different than what it is right now. But could it be possible we've already crossed each other's paths? What are you going to teach me? What will I teach you? I am sure your parents would love me, and I have JUST decided my friends will fall in love with you. Not like I WILL of course. But close enough. I often try to guess about the depth of your eyes. Are they so deep as mine? Could I see myself in your eyes and then lose me forever? I am sure I would be a prisoner of your long eyelashes. Are you allergic to seafood and peanuts or are you lactose intolerant? Are you an artist like me? Or are you a scientist? I bet you like cartoons, like I do. I am sure you will lay in the sun for hours, holding my hand. I bet you will try to hold your breath underwater longer than I can, just so you can spite and annoy me. You will be right about most things more often than I am. And that will infuriate me. But it will only make me love you more. Do you like some or all of the foods I like? Do you smoke? I wouldn't care, it's a nasty little habit, but I could find myself loving it, because for once, the dire smell would remind me of you. I wonder what your lips would taste like. What your skin could feel like, warm and soft, when brushing up against mine. I spend nights imagining the sound of your voice. How deep or high, adult or childlike. Are you playful? Are you serious? I HOPE we have the same bizarre sense of humour. It would be agony to find different things amusing. But then again... maybe not. I could learn to like the same things as you, not because of the "things" themselves. But because YOU love them. Silly jokes that make you laugh, I could grow to adore, because of their effect on you. Because they would be able to stir you out of nonchalance and push you into short little whirlpools of joy. What makes you angry or sad? Would you be jealous of me? Or possessive? Will you be a free spirit? An idealist trying to make a difference in this world? I bet you love animals and cry secretly in the night for no reason whatsoever, other than because the moon strikes you funny every now and then. Like I do. I love your tears. They are salty. They are warm and leave clear marks on your irresistible cheeks. I hate your tears. My heart is breaking at the mere mention of your pain. Any pain of yours will be double for me.. But I understand. We all cry sometimes. Can I cry your tears, so you can smile again? Oh your smile... OH THAT smile. I can almost picture it now. Soft on the edges, unpretentious and sweet. It could even be crooked and it wouldn't matter that much to me. As long as I could live to see it aimed at me. Or caused because of me. That would surely make me melt into tiny droplets of Myself. We could cry together. Because of laughing too hard, or an eye allergy, or the death of a loved one, or a stupid fight we'd have, or the same romantic instant of a movie we both love so much. I can hold you in my arms right now. Spend the night, pretending to be asleep, just so I could listen to the calming sound of your heartbeat, when you'd dream of me. Or of us. A rhythm that could define my existence. Not the way most people mean it. My life has meaning already. I don't need you. And you won't need me either. I don't want you to need me. I want you to want me. To choose me. To consciously decide that I am the One for you, as I have already decided you are the One for me. I need you to have a life of your own. A life that is complete and full and happy. Like mine is usually. But I want you to choose to share this life with ME and my giggles when I do something naughty. Believe me when I say to you, WE WILL TRAVEL. The whole world or a big enough part of it. Don't care if you have money or not, don't care if I am poor or rich by then. I will be the richest man alive, if I can hold your hand in public. If I can hold your hand in the movie theatre. Because I am sure you will love films almost as much as I do. And music too. What will our song be? Is it an old one? Or one that hasn't even been written yet? Would you perhaps be the one that writes it for me? I want to sing to you. A lullaby. A song that makes you fall asleep in my hands. A song that makes you dream that you can fly. And in that same dream, you chase me from cloud to cloud and when you catch up with me, we both fall tumbling down to earth, kissing all the way to our peril. And you'll wake up from the nightmare, and hold me closer and kiss me and tell me to NEVER DARE DO THAT TO YOU AGAIN. And I will look at you, perplexed at first. But then I'll remember this, and will smile, because I'll know. Will you read to me? Can I read to you? I can hear the sounds your body makes, when you do everyday mundane things, like opening the closet, or burp or sneeze. A SNEEZE! It will be so adorable and cute and SO YOU! and your nose will turn red ever so little, and then you'll do that funny little twitch with the rest of your face, carried away by your rebellious nose. And your ears, will be in tune to my sounds. My voice will soothe you, comfort you, turn you on and piss you off. And the sounds I make, will be your sounds. There's no other reason to break the silence of this existence, other than to paint in your world, pictures of wonder and sights of me. And you. Together forever, and ever and ever, and all over again. What's your favourite animal? You will find it amusing that mine are penguins. You will tease me because of that and take the piss out of me. You'll even compare me to them, and that will make me smile smiles that you will never have seen before. And you'll wonder what I am keeping from you. Which is nothing. You will have all of me. EVERYTHING of me. No one else in the history of mankind has ever felt this way about anyone else, or ever will. Do you believe in God? Are you a Christian? a Buddhist or agnostic? I know you will believe in me, almost as much as I will believe in you. There is no one in the universe that makes you feel like I do, and I sure know I'll feel the same way. There's zillions of stars-worth of emotions of Love I hold for you, and if you can spare a tiny fragment of those for me, I will be the happiest person alive. Not because of the fragments themselves, but because there is someone out there who is worth all my zillions of stars. The One who holds my fragile heart in hands of warm liquid. And your smell? GOD how intoxicated I'll be, burying my nose in your pillow after you're gone for work or even while you're in the loo. It won't matter if you are near or far, the world will be a different place ANYWAY. Just because you are going to be out there. I will be a better person every day, because you exist. For your sake. I will know all emotions I now lack. And the world will be a new place for me. All that I know, will react to your ideas and thoughts. I will know all emotions. I will lack nothing. Would you like to dance? I am terrible at it, unless I pretend I am someone else. Will you teach me? Will you tolerate me? Will you understand me? I bet not, but I know you will try. And that's even better. Because you will want to. But you will accept me as I am. You will love me as I am. I bet we will both change just by being together. But we'll still be the same. Just... better than before. Every day better than the previous one. I will buy you presents, and you won't complain. You want disparage me or put me down. You will just smile and kiss me. And I will break up into a million pieces of you. Nothing is good enough for you. I will constantly feel blessed to be in your life, and also feel like I don't deserve you. I can't help but adore even the ground you walk on. And you will find that ridiculous and think you are ugly or inadequate. I don't really care what the rest of the world or your previous lovers made of your looks or intelligence, but for me you are the most beautiful and smart creature in the whole wide fucking universe. And I will dedicate my every minute to let you know exactly how much I admire you. I will worship you and you will take me as I am. Would you blush at my every compliment? Or would you arrogantly take it in stride? I would love you either way. How would you react to my hundreds of insecurities? I hope you'd be amused and constantly fight to keep me grounded. Say you'd breathe through my nose and I through yours! SAY IT! And now feed me, like a baby. Pasta and cheese. And kisses. Endless kisses. Your saliva and your pleasure juices would be my ambrosia. And you rage would be like a reason to die. Or incredibly funny. You would never hurt me. You will protect me. I will protect you. Our bodies will fit like a perfect match. Like they were designed to go together. Our bodies ARE designed to go together. Don't you know that by now? I bet you do. Are you writing a similar letter to me right now? Or next week? Or a few years back? You know, I would give my life for you. I am almost certain I actually will. My life with you, will be the purpose of this journey in the stars for me. My reason d'etre. The meaning of life till death takes us both to our next stop. I don't really exist. I am an illusion, created to hold your shape in my blood and bones. There's no me. There's only you. Of course. Can't you see that? It's YOU, silly.
You are the Love of my life.
But you don't know it.
Neither do I. Not quite.
You see... we haven't met yet.
But we will. I am sure we will.
Even if it takes 300 lifetimes.
We will.
But I hope it's sooner than that.
I hope we soon find each-other on this tiny little planet, with almost 6 billion distractions. Sure, it's no easy feat, but I've got faith in you.
Even if it means I'll spend the rest of my days waiting for that first moment when our eyes meet, and then we'll BOTH know.
So what ARE you waiting for? FIND ME.
I am waiting.
You know where to look.
You can find me under the same sky you are also looking at, right now.
Go on. Hurry.
Enough of my life was spent without you already.
Enough of everything.
The wheels have been set in motion.
I'm off to bed now, off to dream of you once more. Come meet me.
Look! It's me, waiting at the end of the rainbow. The light at the end of the tunnel, is MY light. It stems from my heart. And my heart is yours.
So come claim it. It's YOUR light. It's YOUR rainbow. It's your heart.
Come claim it. Come claim me.
Go on. Hurry.
Please.
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